NEW CAMPAIGN: Let's Stop Militant Old Women In Spandex

old women in spandex

We must stop Militant Old Women In Spandex. Join our #SMOWIS campaign.

BOCA RATON, FL ( — It is a scene that plays out day after day in the gated enclaves of Boca Raton’s Home Owner’s Associations. And today we saw it first hand.

It is a problem that much like hunger and terrorism must be stopped.

Militant old women in spandex.

You’ve seen them. Maybe you secretly are one. But today, through the power of, we are launching a campaign to end these self appointed gym cops through the Twitter hashtag #SMOWIS — Stop Militant Old Women In Spandex.

Here’s who they are and what they do:

Wearing spandex completely inappropriate for someone of their age, they come to the HOA’s gym in the morning and immediately seize the remote control to turn all TVs to the Today Show…or Dr. Phil…or Dr. Oz. They then Yenta it up with others in the gym — perhaps believing that blabbing is a legitimate vocal workout. While gossiping about the latest gossip, she stares down people who are legitimately working out on treadmills. Or elliptical machines. Or exercise bikes.

Much like a five year old eying his little brother’s toy, this Militant Old Woman In Spandex would normally have no interest in these machines,  but today — because other people are using them — she has decided she must have one for herself. She systematically asks those working out how long they have been on the machine, never once saying “I would like a turn,” but clearly doesn’t like the answer she receives from each person. She then walks front and center — demands the attention of the machine users — and reads the “rule board” aloud, stating a 30 minute limit if someone else is waiting.

As we watched, those working out told this Militant Old Woman In Spandex to essentially get a life, or more nicely, go use equipment not being used. But she was having none of that. Like Cindy getting her hair pulled by Bobby, this Militant Old Woman In Spandex stormed out of the gym and right to the property manager to complain.

Yes…she ran to mommy.

This is a Boca Raton problem that must be stopped. Wearing spandex in a gym isn’t the same as working out. And ultimately walking on a treadmill while talking on your iPhone with the speakerphone turned on isn’t a workout, either. It’s just obnoxious. And something these Militant Old Women In Spandex do day after day.

Join us in our fight to Stop Militant Old Women In Spandex from ruining legitimate workouts. Tweet “go home” with the hashtag #SMOWIS. Send us your photos when you see a MOWIS. Share your thoughts on our Facebook page.

Together, we can make Boca Raton a more enjoyable place to live.

And workout.

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